sets of paragraphs

jupiter is a sun that failed

2012-01-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

indian summer

2011-09-28T07:24:00.001-07:00

for what its worth, the first half of my 29th year has been a fantastic voyage. as i sit here and look at the collections of cards pinned into my wall, i honestly couldn't ask for a better situation. i am one and the other. i am here and now. i am east and west. austin has been so good to me. i intend to be even better to it back. so, let's step forth for the second half of my 29th year and jump right in. you are ready, so i will be too.

unfocus

2011-08-12T11:37:00.001-07:00

my days have been spent at a desk and my nights have been spent in the company of glorious women and men. new friends for a old summer. last night there was a pizza party complete with 6 dogs and flowing rose. before that there were micheladas and cheese plates and american spirits at the san jose. there have been swimming hole adventures and barbeque and lots more wine and music and poker nights and delicious conversations full of good smells. i try to understand how i got so lucky, but really, it doesn't matter. a new family for austin. i am in love with it.

however, i am also in love with the fact that i will see almost all of my favorite people in new york city next week. i'm coming for you all. full of sunshine.

forever

2011-07-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

Tracey Emin, "Running Naked," 2000.
Courtesy the artist.

you and the sun

2011-07-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

remember the first time you realized who you were? before you were french press coffee and slip on men's shoes and art talk and more art talk and old crow medicine show on repeat. remember when you hunted for geo-trackers on bikes and ate at dunlays every night and smoked rolled cigarettes and drank arnold palmers? that was after you realized who you were. it was before the french press though. it was before california. remember yourself before california? remember yourself before chicago? remember yourself packing for college? heavy winter sweaters and boot cut jeans and picture albums and books that made you look arty. remember your mother crying at the airport and you crying in the airplane? that was before you knew who you were. that was when you thought the black and white photographs you made were the most amazing things ever and the volvo you drove constantly had guster and weezer playing and you drank illicit 40s on your back porch and watched english television in brianne's basement. that was when you were just starting out.

within seconds

2011-06-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

last sunday, i spent at a wedding for a very close friend of mine. i went to that wedding knowing that i would love every minute of it and that i would think: do i want this too? so i have been thinking and i have been wanting it too. at least i think i do. how do you really know? when does a girlfriend become a wife? when does a boyfriend become a husband? those distinctions seem so far apart. and why do we say girlfriend and boyfriend? am i a teenager with my first crush? and doesn't life partner just sound old and weird speaking about kids in their late 20s? maybe he should be my husband. maybe that is just what is appropriate now.

i found myself spending the week at work, thinking about weddings and husbands and knowing that i am on that path definitely. the questions come from all sides. when will this happen? you are not getting younger. you want to have babies right? sure, yes, of course. i want babies and i want a husband and i want security. but don't i have that already? not real babies, just a puppy that needs a lot of attention and i have security with nick. he loves me; i love him. we fight, we laugh, we share bills and a bed and our lives. so do i really need a party and a person to say you may kiss the bride and a piece of paper stating legality? i thought i didn't. i don't think i do.

but man, i really wouldn't mind a huge party with my friends and family and a beautiful dress and nick standing at the end of the aisle looking at me like there is nothing else that matters. but he does that already, so i have no cause to complain.

off site

2011-05-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

today i learned how to master the arthouse website a little bit more. although slightly gratifying, i would rather spend my time looking at videos of artists i want to show and contemplating my first exhibition i'll put on at arthouse this summer. i just for the first time was introduced to these dutch twins who are anorexic and act as one person. i think it is ok that is creeps me out.

i plan to read faust this summer.

i recently traveled to boston to groton back to boston back to austin for my ten year high school reunion. we looked at each other, all of us, in a tent, outside of a tent, in a hotel, in our cars, and we saw what made each of us glorious individuals. at least i did. honestly, my life without groton would seem a bizarre undertaking that i want nothing to do with. however strong and motivated i may be, i credit a bit to my parents, and most of it to my people at groton. it felt slightly strange to be back but also perfectly wonderful and i would not trade anything for that one day one night and that cheeseburger club this past weekend.

i plan to read a lot this summer.

we want to feel you

2011-04-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

nina fischer and maroan el sani

Hervé Laurent

cloudmakers

2011-04-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

i feel broken down.

everlasting light

2011-04-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

love this apartment. love this song.

fortify

2011-03-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

since i've been feeling a bit lazy lately, i've decided to write at least one blogpost a month about an artist who's work is hitting me hard. however, i will start tomorrow. today, i am reading rem koolhaas' essay junkspace and then i have to fiddle with some technology as well as start a proposal for the CCA in montreal's young curator's program. then i have a birthday party to attend.

cornerstone

2011-03-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

a few months ago, i finally framed some of the work in my collection and hung it on the wall in the living room. today i hate it. it feels awkward. it is trying too hard. in fact, the whole room just feels off to me lately. i kind of hate sitting in it. maybe if all the walls were wood-paneled, i would like it better. maybe if the couch hadn't been eaten by the dog, and the floor didn't constantly need to be mopped, i'd like it better. things just don't feel right in here and i need a change. but i don't know how else it should be organized. the frames definitely need to come down. the couch definitely needs to be reupholstered or slipcovered or whatever people with little money do. the floors need to be washed a few times, and the tables need to be pledged. i guess that would be a start. but maybe it should just be a new room in another house. that would probably help a lot.

hi-to-ko-ro

2011-03-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

my good friend mai is from japan and she is asking for help for this project. she is an amazing individual who spreads joy to everyone she encounters. if you follow this blog, please do this for mai.

Dear Friends,
Firstly, I would like to thank you for all of your kind words concerning me, my family, friends, and the current situation in Japan and now I believe that the messages must be extended to the people who are affected by the recent disaster in the northeastern Japan. I have spent days thinking what I can do for those people and feel a little powerless because the situation there cannot afford any random support possibly disorderly coming from everywhere. Professionals in required fields have been hard working to provide necessary support to the people and contain the radiation leaks at the nuclear plant damaged by the disaster. The immediate and best support we can remotely provide to those people seems to be donations, especially the monetary support. However, throughout the long way to their recovery from the current tragic conditions a mental support has been and will remain to be crucial. After I moved back to Japan on January 1, 2011, I began a series of projects called hi-to-ko-ro, the word I created by combining three Japanese words: hito(people), tokoro(place), and kokoro(heart), for a purpose of creating the space where people and their hearts meet. Now I decided to become a point of communication and would like to ask you to send me your message for those suffering in Japan. The collected messages will be delivered to their hands as our collective hopes for their bright future once the situation will become more settled. You can email me your message to mai.luvs.berries@gmail.com or mail it to Mai Ryuno @#205 3-4-5 Shinonome, Hakata, Fukuoka, Japan 812-0871. Please feel free to contact me if there are any questions.

With my highest gratitude for your support
Love for all
Mai Ryuno

which is to say perfect

2011-03-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

Carmen: hmmm well the future

oh the future

its golden
me: too truefoggy but golden at the same time

memorize all the names of the people living in this world

2011-03-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

the front of koki tanaka's business card pinned to my wall at work.

i follow ghosts

2011-02-25T07:56:00.000-08:00

when you turn 29, do you come to your senses? i have to hope, because i've been feeling rickety lately. like i've been living in my head too much, thinking too much of things that don't really exist. perhaps i just need a slap in the face. matthew would agree with that i am sure.

i don't really know if today is better than yesterday or if yesterday when i cried in my car was better than today. at least i felt something hard. my chest exploding. other feelings lately have just been of frustration and tiredness and loneliness. and that seems so easy. easy to feel and easy to remedy. i try hard to work for this faceless future, but really i am just moving forward without trying. without learning. so, this is a reevaluation post. a present post. an hour at a time post. and perhaps those ghosts i've been following will start to follow me.

and a swelling rage

2011-02-23T15:18:00.000-08:00

rigo 23

jigsaw

2011-02-21T07:26:00.000-08:00

my horoscope today. majorly on point. as usual. i am happy my lady does not abide by the new zodiac signs. i am an aries. no doubt about that.

Pay very careful attention to the parts of you that start to yearn for the past, or to the people from your past that show up now, or to your awakened awareness of how things have shifted from the way they were. With so many planets in your house of hidden agendas, you’d do well to realize you’re right in the middle of the infinite field of potential that is your own unconscious mind. Dream your dream and know that anything you truly desire is possible. The planets are approaching your sign one by one over the weeks ahead, and any new beginning you envision is actually being created as you think it up. Know that there is nothing standing in between you and your highest wish, except what you say there is.

Work to break down any walls that are delaying your success.

public movement

2011-02-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

my sister in law is pregnant with her first child.

my junior year roommate is pregnant with her first child.

my boyfriend's sister is pregnant with her second child.

my half cousin is pregnant with her first child.

my grad school roommate's sister is pregnant with her first child.

all of this points me in the direction of childhood and motherhood and knowing that i want that someday. of power couples and loving couples and houses with wood floors and jars of lentils. i still am longing for white beds, white walls, white bookcases, and white bathrooms. i am still longing for everything. i do not regret the present, i consider the past, but i long for the future. perhaps more than i have before.

the jester king

2011-01-30T06:37:00.000-08:00

on my walk with my speckled hen of a dog this morning it smelled like rain. everything is light gray in the sky and the colors of cars pop out at you and my oreo dog looks blue. he tried to chase the birds that sound like they are hiccuping as they sit on the telephone poles. he taunts the other dogs behind fences, and played with another speckled dog who was brown and white. his name was oz.

sometimes i feel like my life revolves around this dog. but i guess his life revolves around me. so i a way, we are the same. i am reading this book by jose saramago and its about death. at the point i am, she has for the first time, had a dog sit on her lap and realized how wonderful it felt to be in that situation. this death is only the death of humans, not other living things, and she feels sad for the dog, as she knows it will die one day and so will its owner.

sunday commences. breakfast time.

sanctuary

2011-01-14T18:09:00.002-08:00

neptune is calling

2011-01-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

january 5th. 5 days into 2011. quite naturally, everyone i am sure is still holding steadfastly onto their resolutions. it takes more than 5 days to admit you are a quitter. for me, i have started half my resolution- the one to read more, and am about halfway through death with interruptions by jose saramago. i absolutely have loved all the books i have read by him, so i am continuing on. and it was a gift. next on the list is the crucible, and then heart of darkness. after those, i will read deconstructing the kimbell an architect's account of louis kahnl, who as you all might know, is number 2 on my list of favorite architects. after that, brecht's galileo. afterwards, there will be more greek tragedies and faust. faust will be in february i believe. i hope by this one book a week, i am not setting myself up for failure, but rather for quite an education. kind of the best thing ever.

the other half of my resolution is to go to yoga 5 times a week. i am starting tonight. or restarting, as the holidays killed my yoganess.

the cave

2010-12-26T19:38:00.000-08:00

i know the holidays are about family and overindulgence and arguing and snow. but i am seriously dying for a day in a coffee shop with my computer and my latte and gchat that sidetracks me from what i want to work on. all in all, i am longing for a perfect grad school day. wake up, oatmeal, trek to the coffee place, computer on table, coffee on table, books on table, internet procrastination, amazing thoughts appearing from said procrastination, more coffee, more internet, possible lunch break with a streaming episode of some cheesy show, and more work. somehow that is complete perfectness and this snow storm is really starting to get on my nerves.

the adams family tradition

2010-12-16T07:15:00.001-08:00

best ever

these are my dreams

2010-12-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

glass houses, white sheets, fig and olive oil candles, puppies that always stay puppies, two-toned vintage trucks, big glasses and perfectly short hair, overly stamped passports, cascadian dark ales with brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes, collages in white frames, car singing, heels and dance parties, snow, cigarettes and sister time, the commune any day of the year, the coast, the ocean, jade coves, unlimited ripe avocados and sea salt, walls of books with time and no internet, nighttime train rides through mountains and cities, bikes and tree lined streets, autumn weather for breakfast, sunshine, the redwoods, the first time i saw the redwoods, the black forest, maltese food and family, every color of sharpie, sonoma wineries, and kidney bean swimming pools.

one mountain

2010-12-06T13:28:00.001-08:00

esteban schimpf

turkey a go go

2010-11-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. it probably has a lot to do with the food, but there is something else that just makes it the best day in my book. we went to martha's vineyard for a few years. something about the cold ocean smells and the grey days just made everything absolutely wonderful and cozy. there was the year in chicago, where josh and i cooked a turkey we named stella for mostly a vegetarian crowd. it was my first attempt at fried cauliflower also. the vegetarians loved the cauliflower. my mother still makes it better than i do though. she is the master and i only the apprentice. i remember spending a thanksgiving in florida with my aunt and uncle, and that was slightly disastrous and the stuffing was frankly gross. fourth form thanksgiving was spent at the ole miss mississippi state football game- we ate beforehand and bounced on a trampoline- full of green beans and cornbread stuffing. my last two thanksgivings were spent in santa cruz, where time stands still a bit, and the smell of the ocean just reaches you in the morning. where friends really do become family and where having at least 10 pies is not extravagant but necessary. i am missing my santa cruz family, my california family today. because being in california meant not only time with molly and her family, but with my brother and sister and nick's aunt and uncle.

today would have been the day to arrive, to drink some wine and cuddle up by the outdoor fire. nick and i are sad to miss the friends and the feasts. but we have our own 15 pound turkey that is brining as i type and new friends to share our modest feast with this year. it is sort of my first offical grown up thanksgiving. but next year, i believe it will be back to the commune we go. its just too hard to stay away.

all we ever wanted was everything

2010-11-22T12:18:00.000-08:00

tonight, i think we are going to play pool with our friend drew.
tomorrow night, i am shopping for my thanksgiving party. or going to uchiko. i haven't decided yet.
wednesday night, i want to go to the gingerman and have some beers because we haven't been yet.
wednesday morning, i want to go to boggy creek farms, to find other delicious things to eat.
thursday is thanksgiving and i am cooking.
friday will be movie day- harry potter again.
saturday, brunch and walter cronkite at the lbj library.
sunday i will gear up for monday. football will be involved. and other things too i am sure.

sigh no more

2010-11-19T09:20:00.000-08:00

sayre gomez

set you free

2010-11-18T07:50:00.000-08:00

my new obsession. kind of feeling like i need it everyday all the time.

she couldn't rock and roll with me and i couldn't avant-garde with her.

2010-11-09T12:29:00.000-08:00

the image from whence the title of this blog post came, via vork.
it's quite possibly on of my most favorite titles i have come across lately, and as i am thinking about titles for things, it will hopefully continue to inspire me. i think i have a great one for my summer exhibition, but it will have to wait to be unveiled to the world.

home is something i carry with me

2010-11-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

i am simultaneously working on a few different exhibitions in my head and it is amazing. i feel great and my heart is soaring, no joke. artists making work that i just want to swallow up hole! seriously, so stoked on life right now.

fortunate son

2010-11-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

facundo arganaraz

simultaneously

2010-10-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

ben aqua

moths and flames

2010-10-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

in the past few months, as i have made the transition from student to professional, i have forgotten how to slow down. and its not that i am whizzing through life. its the fact that i am forgetting to double check things or triple check for that matter, forgetting that i do not have to instantly respond to every inquiry or request, forgetting that i cannot do everything at one time no matter how many people i've told about my multitasking abilities. so, starting tomorrow or even right now, i am going to breath before i respond to an email. i am going to think a little harder about what i want to say and what i need to say before i actually say it. of course, the ability to multitask is almost inherent within myself, but i need to take a small step backward before i jump forward. as lame and cheesy as it sounds.

a poem for me.

2010-10-05T14:55:00.001-07:00

from molly. amazing.

invisible truths

2010-09-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

my eyes are open. my heart is open. and i am ready to kick some ass.

the march goes on.

2010-09-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

there is a way i feel about bacon and saturday mornings and scrabble and cigarettes that is unlike anything else in the world. and sure, they are random, but right now, they are indescribably amazing. possibly because i just had some bacon and that it is saturday morning and that i am glancing at my scrabble board sitting on my cocktail tray or that last night i had inexplicably more cigarettes than i should have, but cherished each one until i dragged my butt home to see my extremely happy and tired puppy. now he is under the couch after a morning of playtime and i am wondering what comes next. cleaning. napping. organizing. birthdaying. whatever comes after that. it all shall come and go and really, i could just sit in this chair all day, curled up and listening to my dog snore. that is possibly the next step, although i have watched everything good on hulu already.

also, this.

2010-09-22T21:01:00.001-07:00

always.

let's watch phenomenas arise out of the darkness

2010-09-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

i am yearning for wide open spaces, so i can take pictures of the sky and the desert. i am yearning for the desert in a way that people yearn for an oasis in the desert and i absolutely must get there soon. i want the cold and the hot. the cool night breezes and the thunderous daily sunshine. i want cacti and lizards and all sorts of desert-y things. mostly, i want the sky above me and nothing else in sight, except maybe my dog running after a lizard. i also yearn for the city. for the beeping of cabs and the endless possibilities and the friends that are scattered across different metropolises. the round the corner bar and the smell of stale hot dogs and the absolute feeling of being one in a million.

texas is a strange place and austin is a mecca to many who grew up in small towns here wanting to get to the big city. by big city, i mean a few blocks downtown with some tiny tall buildings and a transit system that should be bulldozed out of sight. my neighbor went to new york city once. he said he felt like he was in a movie. it was pretty darn cute, i'll tell you that. and maybe because austin is stuck somewhere between huge college town and small city that i can appreciate it and what i can do here. but it is also an in between place. neither open land nor anciently large city, it situates itself as weird and green and big and small. i like it here. i like the possibilities and the neighbors and the little cul de sacs in my neighborhood. i love my job and my family here. i am excited though, for the desert in november and the city in december. because my roots and my future and everything in between is everywhere all at once and right now its here. and i am glad for the strangeness.

let us think of these things always. let us speak of them never.

2010-09-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

only say never

2010-08-31T13:40:00.000-07:00

my favorite miro painting. from the arts club collection. i used to look at it everyday.

post script

2010-08-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

huge fan.

ceci est pour vous

2010-08-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

summertime loving.
hector arce-espasas

rightside up

2010-08-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

Arcoiris Invertido
2010, pintura, planchas de madera
Stefan Benchoam en colaboración con Radamés “Juni” Figueroa y Chemi Rosado

i want to celebrate you here

2010-08-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

i just imagine an amazing video for this song, but it doesn't exist. and i am just listening to it on repeat all day.

ghosts are everywhere

2010-08-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

sam ash

everything is everything

2010-07-26T14:05:00.000-07:00

in the house i grew up in, we had a library where we watched tv instead of reading. the shelves were lined with books, but the chairs were worn by the amount of time we spent in there watching movies and music videos and television shows. there were paintings of hunting scenes and my dad's chair that he always smoked in every night after work. the library opened into what we called both the den and dad's office. it was basically another sunroom, like the one on the opposite side of the house. its where the music was. my dad's record collection and his CD collection piled up in the cabinets of the library and i spent hours in the den, dancing around to michael jackson, bruce springsteen, and my favorite at the time, whitney houston. it was the first CD my father bought and I played track 1 over and over again. i danced and did handstands and sang along. i used to run and do flips over the couch and imagine massive heartbreaks and reconciliations in that room. i had my first kiss in the powder room during my 5th grade birthday party, which was of course a dance party where my brother had agreed to DJ. so, here is to being in elementary school and learning how fun it is to be by yourself with a good tune.

satisfaction

2010-07-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

let's just say, being employed by such an awesome place deserves an even bigger freak out. xoxo, carrie ruby.

when the night is gone

2010-07-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

maybe i am supposed to revel in being alone. i have danced to some loud fast and out of control in my undies. i have drank all the wine without sharing. i have eaten every meal in my bed and watched every show i've wanted to see. but i suppose the worst thing about being alone is thinking of the ones you love who are out and about and likely not thinking about you. still, it never makes you love them less. at least i have totoro.

double rainbow

2010-07-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

things on my desk include the american heritage dictionary, st.ives lotion, an octopus karen crocheted for me, tupperware, a letter from sofia and a random splattering of office supplies. i really feel i need to spice things up, but i suppose i will have to wait until we move to our new offices, which will be grand and fresh and not in the middle of nowhere.

things in my new house, when i move in on saturday will include lots of clothes and shoes, a succulent not yet named, totoro, a broken cody hudson mug, and a 1950s formica kitchen table. i will eagerly await nick's arrival with our bed, my books, our plants, and the other things that make you realize your life is quite amazing, like pictures that only exist in hard copy and friendly handwritten notes from long ago, my shewok sweatshirt and my small yet vital art collection. in my head, this house is already full of memories before i even spend my first night, so i suppose it already feels like home even though i am not there yet. i am looking forward to going home then, very much so.

no place and every place

2010-07-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

Petrit Halilaj, The places I’m looking for, my dear, are utopian places, they are boring and I don’t know how to make them real, 2010
Installation view, 6th Berlin Biennale for Contemporary Art

let's run to the coast

2010-07-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

i have a potential new friend who is (gasp) not involved in the arts but in law school and i just peeped her blog (because she peeped mine) and i found this. it is so true, that tonight when i meet her, the first thing she'll get from me is a hug, whether she likes it or not because honestly, the only ones i've had since nick left are from my mom and i hugged erin at her bday party the other day.

From here:
When I moved here and didn't know anyone I told Robby that I was surprised what I missed most was being touched. I didn't just mean by him so I'll elaborate. When you're in a city full of strangers there aren't hugs, there are just handshakes or maybe a brushing of shoulders. But when you're surrounded by friends there are hugs, arms around each other's shoulders, guiding hands on each other's backs. This is a primordial comfort that I had never thought of until I was alone for the first time in my life.

ditto

2010-07-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

terrence koh

a highlight

2010-07-12T12:41:00.001-07:00

je voudrais vous voir

2010-07-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

my shoes are piled up next to the black bookshelf in my room. there are my light brown leather men's shoes that i love, but the laces get untied quickly. there are the brown boots that can be short or tall depending on my mood. usually i am in a short boot mood. there are my white slip on loafers that i bought when i still worked at the arts club, but that make my feet sweat sometimes. then there are the black rite aid slip ons that i can't wear in austin because my feet smell in them. its a fact. there are the pink and purple nikes that i love more than most things in my waredrobe and that i bought down on 6th avenue with carrie and that i look for every time i am back in nyc. i never find them and it makes me sad and happy because those shoes define me. they are me. comfy and loud and girly and worn. in those shoes, i never have to think because they will take me to the ends of the earth. i wore them every day i was in amsterdam. i wore them weekly in SF during my tenure there, and they were always spoken of highly when taken out of my closet in chicago. i haven't attempted to wear them in austin, but i know they will be a hit, a conversation at least, and i will feel like myself when i wear them again. my united states crossing, punky brewster/rainbow bright personality that is outgoing and smart and comfortable and focused. those shoes do not define me, but i define them, and it makes me feel less lonely knowing they are just waiting at the end of the bed. what can i say...i am a purple and pink kind of girl.

in and out

2010-07-02T06:43:00.001-07:00

it has been raining here all week. i welcome it and also hate it at the same time. it makes me nervous to drive, after the flash flooding on tuesday. it makes me realize that i always forget my umbrella. it makes me stay inside even more than if it were sunny and i could at least drag myself to the pool to swim laps and interact with the world beyond work.

i am going to attempt that interaction tonight, and go out with kevin parks hauser, possibly. i say possibly because i may be very tempted to stay in like i have been doing and watch season 2 of friday night lights and look for apartments online and talk to nick on the phone. i would get to drive my new car, which is a reason to go out. so are p.terry's fries late at night after drinking a few beers. i suppose going out would be the honorable thing to do. and then yoga in the morning tomorrow.

i like the slight reinvention i am putting myself through in terms of exercising. i absolutely love and hate bikram, which possibly is why i have been doing it so much. that, and i am alone in a new city that is welcoming but also not yet homey to me so i stay on the periphery. i do that during yoga too, where i park my mat in the back corners and try not to be noticed. so far i think it is working. and maybe it just takes time and i think that is ok. because spotlights are not always necessary and alone time is regarded highly by me right now, and i probably will continue these thoughts until i am in my own house filled with my own things and the boy i love and the dog we'll share.

full hearts.

2010-07-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

it's music video week on sets of paragraphs.

i'll let you be in my dreams if i can be in yours

2010-06-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

obsessed. take me to paris now.

i remember every hour

2010-06-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

austin so far:
recurring dreams
p. terry's french fries
maroon cars
swimming
yoga
beige houses
housing scams
bbq (duh)
bug bites
red noses
sandals
skirts
new friends
world cup
lone star beer
kegs on porches
heat
hot yoga
whole foods
ample amounts of water

the ebb and flow

2010-06-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

How Much Does Your Building Weigh, Mr. Foster?

one two three

2010-06-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

i am in love with this. this and a dog named ditto i wish i could rescue from the animal shelter asap.

frying eggs on sidewalks

2010-06-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

i am here.

a prelude

2010-06-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

i would grow coconuts if i liked them. my boyfriend's beard always smells like home. and i cannot sleep through a night. i always wake up to use the facilities.

i've thought about escaping sometimes, to places that still have 1930s trains and where people know how to speak at least three languages, going between them as if they are one and you are one with the three. i've thought about it a lot over the past few years. i thought i'd end up in berlin where the wind would push me around and the beer would taste uncanny and the crackling leaves in the fall would remind me of another place altogether. i am however, not ending up there just yet, as austin calls from the part of texas that others rave about and where i might find a man playing a harmonica with his soul in his mouth. i rather hope for that, along with other things like two dogs, longhorns, and bbq. real bbq. i still hope for berlin though, for the place where at least three languages become one and where i may live in a flat for two that includes an old dog named henrik. a distinguished name some would say. as of tomorrow, though, i will enjoy hot summer nights, full of stars and energy, full of lone star beers and swimming holes, and maybe for once, i'll feel sort of southern in a texas kind of way.

future present

2010-06-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

on wednesday, i will be in austin swimming in barton springs.

light my fire

2010-06-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

"On Monochrome" Wanda and Wonder from Medicine Agency on Vimeo.

tex mex

2010-06-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

nick, myself, and christy, july 4th, 2009.
hope we are all three in austin before the end of summer 2010.

the woods that see and hear

2010-06-01T12:15:00.001-07:00

here's the thing: i am moving to austin in 14 days.

here's another thing: i have yet to successfully take advantage of all sf has to offer, but in the next 14 days, i will attempt to do just that. although i will probably just do everything i have been doing since i got here- park, divey bars, mexican food, and good beers with friends.

here's one more thing: my going away party will consist of sneaking beverages and m&m's into a movie theater to see the a team the night before i leave. i will splurge for popcorn.

walk on

2010-05-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

on my must have list. custom made keds by luca antonucci.

you are my friend, always

2010-05-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i just listen to this song over and over again.

between the bars

2010-05-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

i like sitting in my bed the wrong way. the internet works better when i am closer to the door and i can look straight out my window and see the light on in the apartment across our yard. the light is always on, a beautiful white yellow through curtains and sometimes it glows blue from the television the tenant has. we've decided he is a gamer, up all hours of the night, gaming. i have tried to imagine what he looks like, and how his apartment is laid out. sometimes i think he has a beige sectional and the largest flat screen i can imagine. he wears odd colored polo shirts and has really nice glasses. other times, i think his furniture is really mod- white and simple and his tv is completely hidden when people are visiting. it only shows up for the games, which could be anything from mario kart to those first person killing games i am terrible at. right now, the palmetto tree in our backyard obscures the whole window, but it seems its not game time, but reading and working time. i suppose the tenant could be an insomniac, which is a terrible thing to be. sleep is not only essential, the best part of it is waking up after a lot of it. sometimes i watch for long enough and see the curtains move slightly, which means there is either an animal wandering around or the tenant has a fan blowing. because you never see him. and i am sure he is a he, because my landlord's wife told me that. she used to have their bed facing the window, but would always put down the shade due to the tenant's night light usage. i moved the bed because of my weird tick of always having one side of the bed against a wall. funny that i sleep on the other side of that wall now. nick sleeps against the wall when he is here. the curtains just moved slightly. i hope that the insomniac tenant does have an animal. a cute cat or house trained rabbit. it just seems necessary because i am sure he is single and having an animal is a good thing. i suppose its bad to make assumptions about your neighbors, but i also suppose that is just human nature. i hope my assumptions are half right. sometimes, its really nice to be proven wrong.

the morning after

2010-04-29T22:03:00.001-07:00

once again. grabbing on to whatever i can.

i'll be your blackbird, hanging on your telephone wire.

2010-04-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

the day yesterday was a wash of sunshine and grass stains.
in every moment that passed, i thought of the future and the present simultaneously.
i thought of glass walls that forgave appearances and the feet of dogs as they jumped gloriously.
i thought of the ease that comes with bicycle baskets and the feeling of nails on my back scratching.

tonight, i sit in my second bedroom staring at the endless summer.
the air is fresh mixed with stale, and i have the urge to run outside yelling.
lightning bugs are on my mind along with the ease of slip on sneakers and the taste of honey.
my hands smell like grill and summer and hazy sunshine and saliva.
all alone for a moment that really is 3 hours and my arms are open and my mind is clean.
clean until the summer-ness disappears into the fog and the rains come back.

louis kahn, anon

2010-04-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

dream house

there are softer dreams

2010-04-20T14:52:00.000-07:00

ishmael randall weeks

A Fresh Look: Observations on Artistic and Social Practices in Urban Farming

2010-04-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

A Fresh Look:

Observations on Artistic and Social Practices in Urban Farming

Project Launch, Underground Market and Panel Discussion

On April 27, 2010 the Thesis II MA Collaborative Class hosts a book and website release event at the SFAI Chestnut Street campus. The event kicks off with an underground market presented by forageSF, and music by blues guitarist David Jacobs-Strain. Become a member and buy tasty treats from forageSF that include homemade baked goods, raw chocolate, raw honey, jams, jellies and marmalades, pickles, gumbo, quiche, kombucha, and more. Following the market MA Collaborative members will speak briefly about the culmination of their yearlong project examining various aspects of urban farming. Next is a panel discussion about the state of urban farming, peer to peer networks and food policy that will feature artist, educator and author Ted Purves, David Burns from the LA-based art Fallen Fruit Collective, and Gavin Raders and Heleh Zandi of Oakland’s Planting Justice. Capping the evening is a reception with homemade desserts and beverages from Frey Vineyards and Trumer Pils.

This celebratory event marks the launch of A Fresh Look: Observations on Artistic and Social Practices in Urban Farming, a publication and website. The project is the collaborative effort of the second year MA students in Exhibition and Museum Studies, History and Theory of Contemporary Art, and Urban Studies departments, and critically examines the intersection(s) of creative and social practice and urban agriculture. A Fresh Look contributes to the evolving dialogue that surrounds the practice of urban farming with essays that delve into decentralized peer to peer networks within urban agriculture, institutional interest in urban farming, food justice, architecture and design, and the history of the relationship between urban agriculture and artistic practice. Interviews include artist Fritz Haeg (LA), Bohn & Viljoen Architects (London), and Planting Justice (Oakland). Additionally, the website will include extended content not available in the publication.

www.afreshlook.org (live on April 27, 2010)

MA Collaborative: Rachel Adams, Pat Augsburger, Darin Bauer, Julie Edwards, Yuen Lee, Adam Prince, and Christy Wiles

Tuesday, April 27, Schedule of Events:

4-7pm: forageSF Underground Market and music by David Jacobs-Strain.

7-8pm: Project Launch and Panel Discussion with Ted Purves, Fallen Fruit and Planting Justice.

i am and you are

2010-04-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

scott polach

fairly small torpedos

2010-04-16T11:13:00.001-07:00

tonight. uptown. 10pm.

this will be the last bday celebration for me, as tomorrow reality sets in again. but, until then! i will party like the birthday girl i am.

smack.

2010-04-15T13:03:00.001-07:00

yesterday was my birthday which included ample amounts of food, beers, friends, and sunshine. it was quite lovely. i am officially in the later part of my twenties, but i suppose it is really not a bad place to be. lets just hope someone else thinks i have major potential and hires me, so i can not be unemployed for the rest of this age decade.

nick got me a basket for my bike, which i just installed and am about to take on its first run. i can attest that seamus, my bike, is going to be quite a stud with this new basket, and i am particularly excited about the lesser amount of weight on my back. so, i am off to the new southern exposure space and to see jack hanley's last show and to not carry anything on my back because it will all sit in my basket! another great day. i love april.

what is happening

2010-04-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

potato perspectives.
Åsa Sonjasdotter

ode to san francisco, 1905

2010-04-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

the light in the middle of every man's fall

2010-04-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

today is one of those days that has to be productive. its rather annoying waking up that way. sure, i want to get things done, but i want to want to, not because i have to with no other choice. because that creates even more procrastination and i have no more jamie oliver episodes to watch.

its hard to be close and far with everything and everyone in my life right now. dinner last night was a relief, a sunny spot in a rainy day, and a delicious time with absolutely lovely ladies. i love consuming bottle after bottle of wine and eating a little too much curry because its just perfect. i will miss these nights when i leave 378 and possibly leave san francisco. even though its been awhile, that table has treated me so well over the past two years. i think back to the endless brunches and impromptu dinners, christy's birthday dinner where we were so squeezed together, romantic candle lit nights with nick, sofia cutting our hair after dinner one summer night, and thick crust goodness pizza that carmen brought us. bottles of wine and cartons of ice cream have been passed around that table many times over and i cherish them all. eating with friends is truly a luxury you can never have too often.

kids on the run

2010-03-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

i lost my keys today and i'm pissed about it. molly has moved her stuff out of the house and i wasn't even here for it. her room was the homiest in the whole house and now its gray and sad. i've sort of been in my own world, moping around for the past week. maybe moping is not the right word. too busy to be moping.

nick and i made vietnamese spring rolls last night and i ate the rest for lunch while watching martha stewart make pierogis. she was using a meat grinder to cut up the cabbage, which looked like death, and she kept saying how gorgeous it all was. i don't think i agree with the gorgeous, but i bet they were delicious. i like wrapped foods where everything is edible. mai made me brussel sprout and apple turnovers for dinner the other night. no joke, they were amazing. i guess that is what happens when brussel sprouts are soaked in sugar for hours.

thankfully, i was able to climb through our upstairs window after i lost my keys. it made me think of the numerous times i had to climb through the bathroom window in our house in tenafly because all the doors would be locked. i think i cut my leg badly once. i barely remember that house, let alone the cut.

i'm trying to finish things so i can take a shower and watch some hulu and eat brussel sprouts and purple potatoes for dinner. i am tempted to go back to the dogpatch and stay with nick tonight since i have a meeting there in the morning. but i miss my house and my roomates and my bed, so i'll fight that urge for tonight. plus, there are about 40 magazines here that i have not read yet.

to be alone with you

2010-03-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

un an

2010-03-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

when i reach to scratch nick's back in the middle of the night due to his habit of teeth grinding, i never think of it as a burden. i rarely think about it really because i am mostly asleep, but when we wake up and i tell him, he always has this worried look on his face. he thinks he is disrupting my sleep. i think of it quite the opposite. i like that i can reach and touch him in the middle of the night. i like that he is there, no matter the fact that we rarely sleep intertwined like some people. we sleep rather individually on specific sides, but we can reach and touch and that is the difference. before nick, i rarely could ever reach and touch someone. in fact, i never really knew how to sleep with another person, except for mathew. my entire time in amsterdam, i was reaching for nick and not realizing it. i'd wake up in the morning with my arm on his side of the bed, possibly scratching his invisible back while he invisibly ground his teeth. i think of nights apart, even when we are both in san francisco and i am saddened that we cannot be together. i have grown accustomed to his warmth and his heart and his crinkly eyes when he smiles. it is quite wonderful to have a man that loves you.

future forward

2010-03-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

Nikola Tesla, 2009, wax pencil on paper, 4 x 6 inches by Christina Empedocles

an act that would be a decision

2010-03-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

we dream too hard

2010-03-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

i haven't checked my horoscope for awhile, but i'm liking this one:

So you think you can (insert talent here)? Your confidence soars to breathtaking heights this week as Venus enters Aries and your ruling planet Mars powers forward in direct motion. Hands down, you have the leading edge in all that you do. Your firepower is hard to contain, but you don’t need to use as much force as you think. Soften your touch a bit; be the iron fist in the velvet glove. People won’t quite know what hit them, but they won’t mind falling under your spell all the same. Take the helm of a creative project that’s been veering off in a willy-nilly manner. People await your visionary direction; it’s fine to let your bossy streak shine this week. Romantically, you could be elevated to demi-goddess status among the ranks of your friends. Why? Because you know how to go out and get exactly what your heart desires without following old-fashioned social moires or waiting for anyone to give you permission.

the old brand new

2010-03-11T02:42:00.000-08:00

i am in amsterdam and blogging. is that cool? i have no idea. i am sitting in the lobby of my first hotel and about to go to my second, which will also be my last. i am exhausted from lack of sleep and an emotional breakdown yesterday and now i am just thinking about my life and what i really want. its funny that pulling chard out of my garden and seeing the fog roll in are some of my favorite things right now. i am homesick. its pretty lame in a way, but when you are so far away, it just seems so much better to get home quickly.

i had my interview this morning and i have to say it did go well. but now, i am just going to enjoy my three days left here. and buy new jeans because mine ripped. i am going to a screening tonight, and meeting all the other interviewee's and it should be interesting. i am very glad i was first. more than anything, i just want to take a nap. and possibly eat a huge hamburger. and then maybe hit the flea market tomorrow. its definitely a hard experience traveling by yourself and i hope i do not have to do it again for awhile. i am excited about going home and going camping at point reyes. and to not be by myself.

but right now, i am off to drink a heineken, which i expect will be delicious.

letters from a front

2010-03-07T12:51:00.001-08:00

mai is doing a dinner project and she is having me to dinner. i told her no bleu cheese and alcohol. i also told her that the main ingredient i wanted was brussel sprouts. nick says he has never eaten so many brussel sprouts with anyone but me. they are a main staple in my diet and i am interested in how other people cook them. i am a pure sauteed in garlic, olive oil, and salt kind of girl. carey lin made them with raisins one night. those were delicious. we'll see how mai makes them. she mentioned pickling them, which could be great! i don't like pickles but i like pickled things. weird, right? i always give my pickles away. steve took them the other night off my zeitgeist burger. i hate the juice when it touches my bread and makes it soggy pickle bread. my brother also hates pickles, but my sister loves them. i think both my sisters do. when i was in chicago i hate brussel sprouts with prosciutto. that was bomb. i am unsure why there is not a restuarant that is brussel sprout based. i am really making myself hungry with this post.

tonight, however, i will have yellow stalked chard from my garden. sauteed to a crisp in garlic, olive oil, and salt. what can i say? i am traditionalist.

8 on a saturday morning

2010-03-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

this would be the best right now.

blow your own horn

2010-03-05T19:45:00.000-08:00

remember mousetrap? this is so much better. sort of.

architecture and its discontents

2010-03-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

"What finally is beauty? Certainly nothing that can be calculated or measured. It is always something imponderable, something that lies between things."

-Mies van der Rohe

when things cast no shadow

2010-03-03T22:01:00.001-08:00

i am sitting for a dog in my friend's house for the next three nights. the dog already ripped the sheets on my bed when i was showering. and then she acted all cute when i scolded her. damn puppies.

right now she is sleeping at the other end of the sectional sofa. her nose is buried in front of her and i just want to go lay down and snuggle with her.

last night i walked home from zeitgeist after beers with adam, jeremy, and steven. the night felt fresh and the moon was waning i think and i sang lady gaga in my head while my feet took me home. by the end i was so tired that i almost stopped to rest on the bench that is halfway between church and sanchez on my street. that damn bench tempts me everyday.

i just woke the dog up because i sneezed really loudly.

i spent the day reading and talking and discussing and reading some more. i ate brunch in the sun and lunch in the boy's kitchen and dinner on the sectional. i am pretty content and even more so because of good feedback about my thesis and the fact that there is mozzarella cheese in the fridge. mozzarella makes everything better.

i am just ranting in this post and i am tired and i have to walk the dog before we curl up in bed. what a long day.

so fresh and so clean

2010-03-02T15:27:00.000-08:00

i'm excited about amsterdam.
bas jan ader, the fall II.

i'll love you forever even though i don't know what that means

2010-03-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

The place that you rip open again and again that heals

2010-02-27T17:28:00.001-08:00

downtown detroit/wood that resembles downtown detroit.

all my friends are funeral singers

2010-02-24T12:39:00.000-08:00

i'm finally back at bernies after weeks of absence.
i hate weeks of absence.

last night was tough and all i could ask for was answered when molly let me cry on her shoulder and nick arrived soaking wet at my door with beer and kisses.

i miss everyone i love all the time. i need to keep in better touch with people.

nine high school girls all wearing a shade of purple just walked into bernies and its kind of amazing. they all have different patterned jansport backpacks.

the sun is in and out and i am in and out and everything seems a little better when listening to conor oberst on repeat.

apart, we are together

2010-02-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

well, call me if you want to talk. i'm here.

two suns

2010-02-21T17:02:00.000-08:00