this once was an island

bas jan ader, in search of the miraculous (one night in los angeles) 1973

why there are mountains

This is the very ecstasy of love,
Whose violent property fordoes itself
And leads the will to desperate undertakings
As oft as any passion under heaven

-william shakespeare

sunday smile

i made the realization tonight that my new passport expires when i am 37. it made me a bit jumpy, seeing as i am 27 now and 10 years seems so far, yet so close. so, i decided to make a list of goals (both short and long term) to accomplish in these next 10 years. some might seem like wishes, but i was recently reminded that wishes don't exist, so these too will be labeled as goals, no matter how far fetched.

1. speak 3 languages fluently (french and german being the other 2)
2. curate exhibitions in other countries
3. live in other countries
4. own a house (maybe in another country)
5. rescue a dog
6. go to australia and new zealand
7. get a job where i have some freedom to follow through with my ideas.
8. own a really amazing armani suit
9. really learn how to drive stick shift
10. have a child with someone i love
11. write a book
12. do a top ten in art forum
13. swim in the dead sea
14. brew my own beer
15. see a palladio villa in person
16. still have some form of this blog

the fall from you is a long way down

shaan syed

till gerhard

christof mascher

these artists are all represented by galerie michael janssen in berlin.

fistful of swoon

my satorialist picture of the week

bang bang in your head

paper tissue

the most remarkable thing about you is you

from yesterday today

it was always you i wanted to meet here

everything but the girl

i was supposed to drink tea and watch a movie. agnes varda. i threw up earlier, who knows from what. i ate too much yogurt, i was nervous, i smoked two cigarettes really quickly. i hate throwing up, as i assume most people do. the unnaturalness of it is disturbing. i talked with my sister and i imagined her in her white kitchen with a white cigarette and a white wine and her two boys in white polo shirts bouncing around her. well, harry in a white polo shirt and holden in something from quicksilver. his favorite store. i want to get white sheets for my bed. i've been thinking about that for awhile. seems more grown-up. carmen says i'm like rainbow bright with my collection of towels. i suppose i always loved rainbow bright. i like to stand out. matthew called and sounded all serious, but the conversation was not so much. he started to say what he ate at taco bell, but i told him i would throw up again if he did. do the right vagina i said. you have a fat head he said. sarah sucked at tetris in the background. i like that matthew calls my dad skippy. he's the only one now, now that my grandmother is gone. i went back to reading laura's secret blog after we hung up, after he said he missed me too which is nice to hear. sometimes you want to be missed, even though it makes your heart sink to know all your friends are going to see harry potter without you. i moved so i lose. my house is empty but my sheets are clean. not white, in fact, striped white blue green yellow purple orange red turquoise. like that striped zebra gum from the 1990s. another for molly's list. i have a sudden urge to go out and look at the street lights and see if anyone is walking up my street, but it seems like too much work. i keep hearing fireworks. i feel lonely even though i chose to be alone tonight and now am not tired enough for sleep. i wish my stomach didn't hurt and i could eat ice cream.

take me

i have no idea who took this.

we'll fight for your (dying) cities

my love of urban decay and american ruins has now put me in the position of making a choice. do i support the decay, the forlorn, the crumble of buildings because aesthetically, i think they are beautiful. paint pealing, rusted pipes, exposed bricks wrought with holes. i keep doing all this research, reading interviews with the people that actually live in these desolate and decayed areas, ones that are nostalgic for the past, where streetcars actually worked and movie houses were known as palaces. i am wondering about this nostalgia, in fact i wonder if memories are even a good thing in some places. i'm interested in helping to write a new future, one that acknowledges the past but does not dwell on it. but also one that does not support these downtown rennovations that exist only for guests and visitors. visitors that have moved away to safe havens where decay has not yet reached them and where they can walk along the riverwalk downtown and remember the old days. old days they basically fled from or that they never experienced first hand. my history is for the people that stayed and the people that come back and come for the first time. people seeking to form a place with visions of our forefathers before capitalism turned on us. maybe, these will be new cities, new neighborhoods with neighbors who converse and help each other the way neighbors were known to do. there is nostalgia for that and in which i am in agreeance on. as much as i am starting to despise the word community, i am very much for it. so, i suppose i will live with the pictures of the american ruins and help write a new history.

burn with speed

matthew nighswander

call back the wind

you are exactly where you need to be