diamond crossing

let's say, all is quiet on the eastern front. it is quiet outside. the windows are closed though. perhaps not as quiet as i think. the eastern front, as i now call our neighborhood, is loud and brassy. dogs bark, insects peep, cars rumble and trees sway. but right now, i hear the overhead fan spinning. i hear skeeter sighing every once in awhile which makes me smile. and yet, i don't want the quiet and i do. 

i think tomorrow it will be the same. yes and no. back and forth. let's just say, all is quiet until it's not.

amor fati

sometimes its ok to go a little crazy. like when you drink a little too much with your girlfriends and end up dancing on an empty dance floor to an empty stage. you are not hurting anyone. some people would think you are lame; others think you are awesome. you don't think because you're just happy pretending to two-step with the man you are going to marry.

i came here on my own

the tea i am drinking at work is old, but it still has a taste. i really just need something hot and i think the old tea is working. today there are chills in the air.

i want to write about color, but my brain is hurting because its monday and thanksgiving is on thursday and i really just want to be home cooking for the party. but i keep seeing color everywhere and i want to make a show about it and i want it to actually occur. so, after this is done, i'll read more. and listen to the tallest man on earth.

orange scissors, purple pen, hot pink book. these decorate my desk, creating mountains, allowing for little space to type. my desk is hill country. there are no meadows though. only hills.

i'm starting to realize that as much as i love what i do, i need another hobby. i rode my bike yesterday. it felt amazing and the sun was shining and it didn't matter that i still hate the men's saddle i have. it was perfect. but i need a different hobby besides riding my bike. i need to not sit on my couch when i get home. i should make things. i should volunteer. i should turn my desk into west texas instead of hill country.

tomorrow i can do that. tomorrow i can find a hobby too i think. i think it needs to be far from art. or maybe just really crafty as to not confuse.

tomorrow i can do that.

possibility and probability

it has been absolutely too long since i've written in this blog. i also barely read my emails that come through on gmail and i am pretty horrible at returning phone calls. avoidance. i don't really know why though. maybe now that i am 30 and am supposed to be a bit more grown up, i am reverting back to not wanting responsibility. not worrying about the future and the fiscal implications of marriage. not taking a stand against things i know to be bullshit and also just not talking about how i am feeling with my parents, friends, siblings, etc. i am using this post, as i have used many others in the past, as an arrow. an arrow that shoots right into the middle of a long list of tasks that i have been avoiding. that is about all i have to say about this topic right now. except for that i will resume posting here on a regular basis.

30 years young

in a few days and all i can do to get through the horribleness of today is think about two-stepping later and my beautiful bearded man and all of the people that i love. work absolutely sucks today. so does at&t uverse internet set up.

before the law

things i love are letterpress invites and robert rauschenberg and tea any time of day.
things i love are nick's beard and nick's new sense of style wearing cardigans.
things i love are a night full of fires and friends who constantly are laughing.
things i love are love and amy's dogs in their sweaters and my dog's insane knowledge.
things i love are walking in chicago on a fall day crunching leaves and smoking cigarettes outside.
things i love are tiny love bites from nick and waking up in my bed with my dog under my arm.
things i love are amazing artists that are sweet and excited about life, that make rad paintings.
things i love are new york city bagels and going to museums and walking forever and brooklyn.
things i love is my art collection that is scattered and amazing, with large and small pieces.
things i love are california and the smell of sunshine and delicious wine on a porch.

i guess there is a super long list that keeps getting longer. i guess there is nothing wrong with that.

jupiter is a sun that failed

indian summer

for what its worth, the first half of my 29th year has been a fantastic voyage. as i sit here and look at the collections of cards pinned into my wall, i honestly couldn't ask for a better situation. i am one and the other. i am here and now. i am east and west. austin has been so good to me. i intend to be even better to it back. so, let's step forth for the second half of my 29th year and jump right in. you are ready, so i will be too.

unfocus

my days have been spent at a desk and my nights have been spent in the company of glorious women and men. new friends for a old summer. last night there was a pizza party complete with 6 dogs and flowing rose. before that there were micheladas and cheese plates and american spirits at the san jose. there have been swimming hole adventures and barbeque and lots more wine and music and poker nights and delicious conversations full of good smells. i try to understand how i got so lucky, but really, it doesn't matter. a new family for austin. i am in love with it.

however, i am also in love with the fact that i will see almost all of my favorite people in new york city next week. i'm coming for you all. full of sunshine.

forever

Tracey Emin, "Running Naked," 2000.
Courtesy the artist.