irrational thoughts should be followed absolutely and logically

i noticed that sometimes when i don't leave my house, i forget where i am. my only contacts are my roommates, who just remind me of love and home, and my emails, which are usually from places all over that central location means nothing. the beauty of the dot com. i wonder if i could be anywhere right now. i am here though and here is good. there would be better maybe. sometimes i wish i could subsist only on figs and california wine and a little sunshine. i don't know what that would make me. fruit and fermentation. maybe one day i will pick my own figs and make my own wine, although molly tells me fig picking is a quite horrid job. itchy and sticky. i would rather be fresh when i eat my figs. i have a whole bag of persimmons that came from my brother's tree. they have yet to ripen, but when they do, they will be gooey and sweet and delicious like jam and jellies. i hope they ripen before next thursday. i am most definitely back on cigarettes for the time being and each one reminds me of somewhere else. back on that somewhere else. maybe it is nerves. maybe it is the looming end of the semester. or maybe its just cold.