Friday, February 6, 2009

je suis sur le feu

one time, i was walking home and it started to pour. torrential downpour which was so thick i could barely see. i was blocks from my house and listening to bruce springsteen on my ipod. of course. i'm on fire. i remember it distinctly. i took my shoes off and stood in the middle of street and sang the words, words that have echoed in my heart since the beginning of time. i stood there and sang and turned my face toward the sky and swallowed the rain drops and continued to sing.

one time, a boy called me on the telephone to tell me he missed me. i missed him as well; i had missed him ever since he left two weeks before. he called me everyday when he woke up and i called him every night before bed. we sent text messages and gchatted and did everything a couple could do when living across the country from each other. this one day, i was in milwaukee and i didn't answer the phone. he left a voicemail and when i checked it, he was singing i'm on fire. i listened to that voicemail everyday for the remainder of our courtship. and even for a few days after the end, when i thought it would make me feel happy again.

one time, i was sitting on an airplane with tears streaming down my face. i was headed out west and i just said goodbye to chicago. i was wearing my yellow hoodie and sunglasses to hide from everyone and kept thinking that i was crazy to have thought i could do this all by myself. right before i turned my phone off, i got a text message that said "and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my soul." and i listened to bruce springsteen on repeat for the entire flight.

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