when i was born for the 7th time

for almost over the past two weeks, i've been sleeping in a twin bed. there was one in aliza's childhood bedroom, one at my parent's for a few hours, and the one i sit in now, the martha's vineyard bedroom. there are two twin beds in this room, the other covered with clothes, extra blankets, trident gum. i was lucky when i was younger, and had moved from my antique twin bed before my 8th birthday. i moved into my sister's room where the full sized bed was also so tall i had to run from the door to jump on it. i loved that bed. it was metal and white with seashells carved into parts of the frame. my mother bought me a full sized canopy bed when she re-decorated that room for me. the wood was dark and the bedspread was pink and full of flowers. the canopy was pink and striped. i wanted a canopy bed because the bed i slept in, at my grandparents house in martha's vineyard, was a canopy. it was my aunt's bed, an antique they bought her when she was young. it had a curved canopy and the sheets were all white. it was a twin, maybe smaller because it was an antique. antique beds tend to have their own measurements that do not correspond with anything in particular. i think sometimes that my own measurements also do that. i do not correspond with anyone in particular. one night in march, i went to a large party and slept at ellena's house in brooklyn, first on the couch, then in her twin bed. we both lay there together and she was pleasantly surprised to see we both fit quite well. i concurred. but maybe that's because old friends like ourselves are comfortable anytime we are together. my twin bed, the one i sit on, creeks a lot. i watched uncle buck in it the other night and got very lonely when it showed the two young kids sleeping with uncle buck in his huge bed. i like to sleep alone and i also dislike it. in a twin bed, you cannot roll over forever; the fear of falling is imbedded in your body and brain. i had that falling feeling last night as i drifted off and woke to find myself clutching the mattress. i was curled into a fetal position, probably trying to keep from rolling off the bed. instead, i was just falling straight down.