kids on the run

i lost my keys today and i'm pissed about it. molly has moved her stuff out of the house and i wasn't even here for it. her room was the homiest in the whole house and now its gray and sad. i've sort of been in my own world, moping around for the past week. maybe moping is not the right word. too busy to be moping.

nick and i made vietnamese spring rolls last night and i ate the rest for lunch while watching martha stewart make pierogis. she was using a meat grinder to cut up the cabbage, which looked like death, and she kept saying how gorgeous it all was. i don't think i agree with the gorgeous, but i bet they were delicious. i like wrapped foods where everything is edible. mai made me brussel sprout and apple turnovers for dinner the other night. no joke, they were amazing. i guess that is what happens when brussel sprouts are soaked in sugar for hours.

thankfully, i was able to climb through our upstairs window after i lost my keys. it made me think of the numerous times i had to climb through the bathroom window in our house in tenafly because all the doors would be locked. i think i cut my leg badly once. i barely remember that house, let alone the cut.

i'm trying to finish things so i can take a shower and watch some hulu and eat brussel sprouts and purple potatoes for dinner. i am tempted to go back to the dogpatch and stay with nick tonight since i have a meeting there in the morning. but i miss my house and my roomates and my bed, so i'll fight that urge for tonight. plus, there are about 40 magazines here that i have not read yet.

to be alone with you

un an

when i reach to scratch nick's back in the middle of the night due to his habit of teeth grinding, i never think of it as a burden. i rarely think about it really because i am mostly asleep, but when we wake up and i tell him, he always has this worried look on his face. he thinks he is disrupting my sleep. i think of it quite the opposite. i like that i can reach and touch him in the middle of the night. i like that he is there, no matter the fact that we rarely sleep intertwined like some people. we sleep rather individually on specific sides, but we can reach and touch and that is the difference. before nick, i rarely could ever reach and touch someone. in fact, i never really knew how to sleep with another person, except for mathew. my entire time in amsterdam, i was reaching for nick and not realizing it. i'd wake up in the morning with my arm on his side of the bed, possibly scratching his invisible back while he invisibly ground his teeth. i think of nights apart, even when we are both in san francisco and i am saddened that we cannot be together. i have grown accustomed to his warmth and his heart and his crinkly eyes when he smiles. it is quite wonderful to have a man that loves you.

future forward

Nikola Tesla, 2009, wax pencil on paper, 4 x 6 inches by Christina Empedocles

an act that would be a decision

we dream too hard

i haven't checked my horoscope for awhile, but i'm liking this one:

So you think you can (insert talent here)? Your confidence soars to breathtaking heights this week as Venus enters Aries and your ruling planet Mars powers forward in direct motion. Hands down, you have the leading edge in all that you do. Your firepower is hard to contain, but you don’t need to use as much force as you think. Soften your touch a bit; be the iron fist in the velvet glove. People won’t quite know what hit them, but they won’t mind falling under your spell all the same. Take the helm of a creative project that’s been veering off in a willy-nilly manner. People await your visionary direction; it’s fine to let your bossy streak shine this week. Romantically, you could be elevated to demi-goddess status among the ranks of your friends. Why? Because you know how to go out and get exactly what your heart desires without following old-fashioned social moires or waiting for anyone to give you permission.

the old brand new

i am in amsterdam and blogging. is that cool? i have no idea. i am sitting in the lobby of my first hotel and about to go to my second, which will also be my last. i am exhausted from lack of sleep and an emotional breakdown yesterday and now i am just thinking about my life and what i really want. its funny that pulling chard out of my garden and seeing the fog roll in are some of my favorite things right now. i am homesick. its pretty lame in a way, but when you are so far away, it just seems so much better to get home quickly.

i had my interview this morning and i have to say it did go well. but now, i am just going to enjoy my three days left here. and buy new jeans because mine ripped. i am going to a screening tonight, and meeting all the other interviewee's and it should be interesting. i am very glad i was first. more than anything, i just want to take a nap. and possibly eat a huge hamburger. and then maybe hit the flea market tomorrow. its definitely a hard experience traveling by yourself and i hope i do not have to do it again for awhile. i am excited about going home and going camping at point reyes. and to not be by myself.

but right now, i am off to drink a heineken, which i expect will be delicious.

letters from a front

mai is doing a dinner project and she is having me to dinner. i told her no bleu cheese and alcohol. i also told her that the main ingredient i wanted was brussel sprouts. nick says he has never eaten so many brussel sprouts with anyone but me. they are a main staple in my diet and i am interested in how other people cook them. i am a pure sauteed in garlic, olive oil, and salt kind of girl. carey lin made them with raisins one night. those were delicious. we'll see how mai makes them. she mentioned pickling them, which could be great! i don't like pickles but i like pickled things. weird, right? i always give my pickles away. steve took them the other night off my zeitgeist burger. i hate the juice when it touches my bread and makes it soggy pickle bread. my brother also hates pickles, but my sister loves them. i think both my sisters do. when i was in chicago i hate brussel sprouts with prosciutto. that was bomb. i am unsure why there is not a restuarant that is brussel sprout based. i am really making myself hungry with this post.

tonight, however, i will have yellow stalked chard from my garden. sauteed to a crisp in garlic, olive oil, and salt. what can i say? i am traditionalist.

8 on a saturday morning

this would be the best right now.

blow your own horn

architecture and its discontents

"What finally is beauty? Certainly nothing that can be calculated or measured. It is always something imponderable, something that lies between things."

-Mies van der Rohe

when things cast no shadow

i am sitting for a dog in my friend's house for the next three nights. the dog already ripped the sheets on my bed when i was showering. and then she acted all cute when i scolded her. damn puppies.

right now she is sleeping at the other end of the sectional sofa. her nose is buried in front of her and i just want to go lay down and snuggle with her.

last night i walked home from zeitgeist after beers with adam, jeremy, and steven. the night felt fresh and the moon was waning i think and i sang lady gaga in my head while my feet took me home. by the end i was so tired that i almost stopped to rest on the bench that is halfway between church and sanchez on my street. that damn bench tempts me everyday.

i just woke the dog up because i sneezed really loudly.

i spent the day reading and talking and discussing and reading some more. i ate brunch in the sun and lunch in the boy's kitchen and dinner on the sectional. i am pretty content and even more so because of good feedback about my thesis and the fact that there is mozzarella cheese in the fridge. mozzarella makes everything better.

i am just ranting in this post and i am tired and i have to walk the dog before we curl up in bed. what a long day.

so fresh and so clean

i'm excited about amsterdam.
bas jan ader, the fall II.

i'll love you forever even though i don't know what that means