and a swelling rage

rigo 23

jigsaw

my horoscope today. majorly on point. as usual. i am happy my lady does not abide by the new zodiac signs. i am an aries. no doubt about that.

Pay very careful attention to the parts of you that start to yearn for the past, or to the people from your past that show up now, or to your awakened awareness of how things have shifted from the way they were. With so many planets in your house of hidden agendas, you’d do well to realize you’re right in the middle of the infinite field of potential that is your own unconscious mind. Dream your dream and know that anything you truly desire is possible. The planets are approaching your sign one by one over the weeks ahead, and any new beginning you envision is actually being created as you think it up. Know that there is nothing standing in between you and your highest wish, except what you say there is.

Work to break down any walls that are delaying your success.

public movement

my sister in law is pregnant with her first child.

my junior year roommate is pregnant with her first child.

my boyfriend's sister is pregnant with her second child.

my half cousin is pregnant with her first child.

my grad school roommate's sister is pregnant with her first child.

all of this points me in the direction of childhood and motherhood and knowing that i want that someday. of power couples and loving couples and houses with wood floors and jars of lentils. i still am longing for white beds, white walls, white bookcases, and white bathrooms. i am still longing for everything. i do not regret the present, i consider the past, but i long for the future. perhaps more than i have before.

the jester king

on my walk with my speckled hen of a dog this morning it smelled like rain. everything is light gray in the sky and the colors of cars pop out at you and my oreo dog looks blue. he tried to chase the birds that sound like they are hiccuping as they sit on the telephone poles. he taunts the other dogs behind fences, and played with another speckled dog who was brown and white. his name was oz.

sometimes i feel like my life revolves around this dog. but i guess his life revolves around me. so i a way, we are the same. i am reading this book by jose saramago and its about death. at the point i am, she has for the first time, had a dog sit on her lap and realized how wonderful it felt to be in that situation. this death is only the death of humans, not other living things, and she feels sad for the dog, as she knows it will die one day and so will its owner.

sunday commences. breakfast time.

sanctuary

neptune is calling

january 5th. 5 days into 2011. quite naturally, everyone i am sure is still holding steadfastly onto their resolutions. it takes more than 5 days to admit you are a quitter. for me, i have started half my resolution- the one to read more, and am about halfway through death with interruptions by jose saramago. i absolutely have loved all the books i have read by him, so i am continuing on. and it was a gift. next on the list is the crucible, and then heart of darkness. after those, i will read deconstructing the kimbell an architect's account of louis kahnl, who as you all might know, is number 2 on my list of favorite architects. after that, brecht's galileo. afterwards, there will be more greek tragedies and faust. faust will be in february i believe. i hope by this one book a week, i am not setting myself up for failure, but rather for quite an education. kind of the best thing ever.

the other half of my resolution is to go to yoga 5 times a week. i am starting tonight. or restarting, as the holidays killed my yoganess.

the cave

i know the holidays are about family and overindulgence and arguing and snow. but i am seriously dying for a day in a coffee shop with my computer and my latte and gchat that sidetracks me from what i want to work on. all in all, i am longing for a perfect grad school day. wake up, oatmeal, trek to the coffee place, computer on table, coffee on table, books on table, internet procrastination, amazing thoughts appearing from said procrastination, more coffee, more internet, possible lunch break with a streaming episode of some cheesy show, and more work. somehow that is complete perfectness and this snow storm is really starting to get on my nerves.

the adams family tradition

best ever

these are my dreams

glass houses, white sheets, fig and olive oil candles, puppies that always stay puppies, two-toned vintage trucks, big glasses and perfectly short hair, overly stamped passports, cascadian dark ales with brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes, collages in white frames, car singing, heels and dance parties, snow, cigarettes and sister time, the commune any day of the year, the coast, the ocean, jade coves, unlimited ripe avocados and sea salt, walls of books with time and no internet, nighttime train rides through mountains and cities, bikes and tree lined streets, autumn weather for breakfast, sunshine, the redwoods, the first time i saw the redwoods, the black forest, maltese food and family, every color of sharpie, sonoma wineries, and kidney bean swimming pools.

one mountain

esteban schimpf