everlasting light

love this apartment. love this song.

fortify

since i've been feeling a bit lazy lately, i've decided to write at least one blogpost a month about an artist who's work is hitting me hard. however, i will start tomorrow. today, i am reading rem koolhaas' essay junkspace and then i have to fiddle with some technology as well as start a proposal for the CCA in montreal's young curator's program. then i have a birthday party to attend.

cornerstone

a few months ago, i finally framed some of the work in my collection and hung it on the wall in the living room. today i hate it. it feels awkward. it is trying too hard. in fact, the whole room just feels off to me lately. i kind of hate sitting in it. maybe if all the walls were wood-paneled, i would like it better. maybe if the couch hadn't been eaten by the dog, and the floor didn't constantly need to be mopped, i'd like it better. things just don't feel right in here and i need a change. but i don't know how else it should be organized. the frames definitely need to come down. the couch definitely needs to be reupholstered or slipcovered or whatever people with little money do. the floors need to be washed a few times, and the tables need to be pledged. i guess that would be a start. but maybe it should just be a new room in another house. that would probably help a lot.

hi-to-ko-ro

my good friend mai is from japan and she is asking for help for this project. she is an amazing individual who spreads joy to everyone she encounters. if you follow this blog, please do this for mai.

Dear Friends,
Firstly, I would like to thank you for all of your kind words concerning me, my family, friends, and the current situation in Japan and now I believe that the messages must be extended to the people who are affected by the recent disaster in the northeastern Japan. I have spent days thinking what I can do for those people and feel a little powerless because the situation there cannot afford any random support possibly disorderly coming from everywhere. Professionals in required fields have been hard working to provide necessary support to the people and contain the radiation leaks at the nuclear plant damaged by the disaster. The immediate and best support we can remotely provide to those people seems to be donations, especially the monetary support. However, throughout the long way to their recovery from the current tragic conditions a mental support has been and will remain to be crucial. After I moved back to Japan on January 1, 2011, I began a series of projects called hi-to-ko-ro, the word I created by combining three Japanese words: hito(people), tokoro(place), and kokoro(heart), for a purpose of creating the space where people and their hearts meet. Now I decided to become a point of communication and would like to ask you to send me your message for those suffering in Japan. The collected messages will be delivered to their hands as our collective hopes for their bright future once the situation will become more settled. You can email me your message to mai.luvs.berries@gmail.com or mail it to Mai Ryuno @#205 3-4-5 Shinonome, Hakata, Fukuoka, Japan 812-0871. Please feel free to contact me if there are any questions.

With my highest gratitude for your support
Love for all
Mai Ryuno

which is to say perfect

Carmen: hmmm well the future

oh the future

its golden
me: too true

foggy but golden at the same time

memorize all the names of the people living in this world

the front of koki tanaka's business card pinned to my wall at work.

i follow ghosts

when you turn 29, do you come to your senses? i have to hope, because i've been feeling rickety lately. like i've been living in my head too much, thinking too much of things that don't really exist. perhaps i just need a slap in the face. matthew would agree with that i am sure.

i don't really know if today is better than yesterday or if yesterday when i cried in my car was better than today. at least i felt something hard. my chest exploding. other feelings lately have just been of frustration and tiredness and loneliness. and that seems so easy. easy to feel and easy to remedy. i try hard to work for this faceless future, but really i am just moving forward without trying. without learning. so, this is a reevaluation post. a present post. an hour at a time post. and perhaps those ghosts i've been following will start to follow me.

and a swelling rage

rigo 23

jigsaw

my horoscope today. majorly on point. as usual. i am happy my lady does not abide by the new zodiac signs. i am an aries. no doubt about that.

Pay very careful attention to the parts of you that start to yearn for the past, or to the people from your past that show up now, or to your awakened awareness of how things have shifted from the way they were. With so many planets in your house of hidden agendas, you’d do well to realize you’re right in the middle of the infinite field of potential that is your own unconscious mind. Dream your dream and know that anything you truly desire is possible. The planets are approaching your sign one by one over the weeks ahead, and any new beginning you envision is actually being created as you think it up. Know that there is nothing standing in between you and your highest wish, except what you say there is.

Work to break down any walls that are delaying your success.

public movement

my sister in law is pregnant with her first child.

my junior year roommate is pregnant with her first child.

my boyfriend's sister is pregnant with her second child.

my half cousin is pregnant with her first child.

my grad school roommate's sister is pregnant with her first child.

all of this points me in the direction of childhood and motherhood and knowing that i want that someday. of power couples and loving couples and houses with wood floors and jars of lentils. i still am longing for white beds, white walls, white bookcases, and white bathrooms. i am still longing for everything. i do not regret the present, i consider the past, but i long for the future. perhaps more than i have before.