Thursday, March 12, 2009

no interest in free love

i sit in bernie's...a local girls coffee shop. am i a local girl? has it come to that yet? i'm a girl in every definition of the word. what's my definition? i have girl parts, i constantly worry about how i look, and if boys think i'm cute. yep, that's pretty much it. so, i have the girl part, check. local, what does that mean? i am here at least 4 times a week, sitting mostly at the same table, typing on the same keyboard, listening to the same music. i live a few blocks away and i walk in the sun to get here, except when i have to walk in the rain. i love bernie's. i get unlimitted refills and smiles from the staff. i pet the blue-eyed dog named circuit, who lays in the doorway, in the sun. that dog knows what's up. i am officially a bernie's coffee fanatic, as facebook says. bernie loves facebook. she updates her status a lot. so do i. right now, it says 'rachel is if you don't give a damn, we don't give a fuck.' it says that for many reasons, one being i'm constantly listening to girl talk. so, am i a local? a loc as molly and carmen would say. another bernie's loc just walked in. he has a beard. i heard him say he lived in noe valley for 10 years, but just moved to the marina. he still comes to bernie's. i would too. there are samples of peanut butter cookies on the counter. daniel, the young barista, asked my name today. maybe he will want to be my facebook friend. the other loc is talking to bernie about facebook. about status updates. maybe i should change mine again. another song line? right now glen hansard sings 'lies lies lies' that's not a good one. rachel: when will you learn? that would good. they laugh about statuses. i cried in the shower this morning. i couldn't tell if there were tears or if it was just the running water. my body shook though. that was most definite. my coffee is cold and i most definitely will drink another cup. its spring break in 6 hours and i will be back at bernie's. listening to the weather report from the old men, letting bernie call me honey, petting circuit. i want to go dancing and shed this skin i'm in at the moment. i want to get one of those mineral scrubs, to get all the dead skin and dead feelings and emptyness off my body. the scrub in the shower this morning didn't only made me cry. well, anyway, i am a local girl. a new loc. i'm ok with that.

No comments: